Lavender Sky

No real reason for that title, except that's what it was like when I got up this morning, and had stuck with me.
The weekend, as it seems for everyone else, was a total washout.  I'm sick, and I just sat in bed and ate.  Or walked around shopping and eating doughnuts.  Om nom nom, I frickin' love doughnuts.  I paid for it though - 5lbs...fuck me.

It's off though now.  I was 140.2 this morning.  Oh!  I have scales.  I got Weight watchers ones, so here's hoping they're decent.
I'm still sick and my physio banned me from exercising 'til I was better.  I have no energy for it anway, even walking up stairs was killer.
I did go swimming and do loads of walking yesterday, but today I had to come home early from uni and have been sat on my arse since then.  I need to do some work, but I would rather get a big pack of biscuits and a pot of tea and watch murder mysteries.  So so much.

I have an internet shopping order coming tonight.  All super healthy stuff apart from a tub of vegan ice cream (not nice enough to binge on) and a pack of fig rolls (are they the same as fig newtons?) - whatever they are, I'm hooked.  It's gonna be a testing time!

I've been drinking loads of green tea and feeling pretty good about it.  I had an egg on toast and a spinach and carrot salad for my breakfast (340 calories) and a mushroom stir fry soup for lunch (157 calories).  I'm going to make a veggie curry for dinner, and if I have enough calories, then have it with a baked sweet potato.  No running today, so no 1000 cal limit, it's 850 ONLY!

I fasted yesterday, until late dinnertime, where I had a cinnamon, apple and raisin bagel, with mashed banana on top and a fruit salad and soya yogurt.  Plus a Soy Latte from Starbucks and some Ocean Spray Cranberry Light (which is 20 calories per cup, not too bad!) and lots of green tea and water.  So not a perfect fast, but enough to digest my high intake over the weekend and get my weight down a bit.  Hopefully will be down again tomorrow morning, especially as I might take a laxie tonight, to get all this food out of my system.

My new goal is to eat 640g of fruit and veg a day, which equates to 8 portions.  I figure that if I'm filling up on that, I will be able to eat more for my 850 cals.  I find fruit and veg very easy to eat, so it shouldn't be hard.

Lovely mentioned the purging thing.  My desire to do it has started increasing, but I find it so difficult.  Physically, I mean.  I had to spend 40 minutes at it, just to actually get the food up.  And I have to try lots of different things, like the drink, jump, puke method, and using a toothbrush or fingers.  I have tried salt water before, but it just makes me feel shitty, and doesn't make me puke.  Anyway, I wanted to purge after my bingey day on Saturday, but my throat was bleeding from this fluey thing I've got, so had to stop.  So that means no get out clause of throwing up, I have to restrict.  And exercise.  Big time.  Hopefully I can get a swim in tomorrow, and then a run on Thursday.

In relationship news, I kissed another guy on Thursday night last, and I feel terrible.  I fancy him a lot, he's from the naval unit, and I just wanted to.  Was having a great night out and just went with the flow.  We've texted each other and agreed just to carry on as normal.  But what gets me is that I'm meant to love R.  We've been together for 3 years, and plan on getting married and having babies.  Yet, I just wanted to be free of him the past couple of days.  I've had a big think about it, and I'm just so weighed down, so responsible for so much, I just want to lighten my mental load.  I've spoken to him and he's agreed to let me be selfish, and to just put all his effort into me, to help me get through this, including the ED-NOS...

...but do I want to get over it?  All I know is I want to be thin.

Gotta just see how these next couple of months goes for me.  R has planned a trip to London, to see a show (Wicked, I hope!), take me shopping and for tapas and maybe to an art gallery too.  It's in our favourite hotel.  I'm getting the tickets down, and have managed to get us first class on the train, so should be a lovely break.  Might get some champagne and strawberries and have a continental brunch on the train.
Then I've got to hop back up to get to Glasgow for the exam period.  I'm missing the first 2 days, so praying that my English Language test isn't on either of those.  Fingers crossed!
But it does give me an event to get thin for.  125lbs by April 24rd.  I could do that, as long as I don't binge.  15lbs in 74 days.  That's pretty damn easy.  I might have to work out some sort of plan, to allow a day off, but to try and stop the binging.  Anyway, exciting!

We're not doing anyway for Valentines Day, though I might get a bunch of flowers delivered, I hope so. I love flowers.  I prefer getting them when they're reduced and about to be thrown out, I feel like I'm saving them.  But a nice special bunch would be lovely.

Nearer goal, is to try and lose at lease 2lbs by Thursday.  I'm out again, with the Navy, and I wanna look so fuckin' hot, it blows their mind.  I have a new dress and some new heels, so gotta be able to rock them.  Plan is to eat low tomorrow, and fast on Thursday, until the evening, then I can drink.  If I run on Thursday morning then I can have 1000 calories devoted to a heavy night out, which I think I need.

Anyway, no pictures on this.  I do have loads, so going to do another captioned post after.

Keep on going.  Don't eat that food.
Oh!  Try apples or pickles instead.  And then brush your teeth.