Been eating all weekend.  I hate being sick.  (N.B That's why I can't purge, my throat is too sore).  Just been in bed and eating.  I have so much work to do - 3 essays, and I can't see the doctor - no appointments left 'til tomorrow.

Everything feels so 'bleh'.  I feel bleh, my relationship feels bleh, my mood feels bleh, my work is bleh, my body is mega bleh.  I hate myself.  I don't know if that will ever change.  My mum said that we all have flaws, and that brought up a wave of sickness - I want to be perfect.  But I'm not.  I'm so utterly dislikable.  Part of me just wants to give this up, but I have been doing this for so, so long.  It would all be wasted.  I would be fat again, and miserable. This is never going to end...is it?

I don't know what else to say...I'm so full of desperation and regret and self hatred.  I don't think I will ever get out of it.  This has formed who I am.  Without that, I'm lost.

Fast today.  If I had been given antibiotics, then I would have had fruit, but no medicine, no food.  Just water and coffee and tea.
I have a careers appointment at the Navy today.  Then I have to work tonight.  I have to.  I need to get this essay written before Friday, if not before.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Reminds me of when ladies carried parasols in the sun, very Poirot-esque!