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Monday 12 December 2011

The fat (man?) is coming to town!



Lolololol!  Sorry for the dumb title, but I've been to the gym and that Michael Buble song came on and the last line just stuck!
Anyway, I literally could just roll myself over to a shopping centre and be hired as Santa!

To fill everyone in:

I was doing ok - I had my 'Reading Week' (why it's called that I have no idea, as you mainly write essays, rather than do anything so relaxing such as reading) and got my essays handed in; feeling like a BOSS!
Anyway, I was walking home and caught up with my flatmate, chatted, got in, and discussed our 'flat meeting'.  (I'd suggested it, since there's three of us and we'd all been a bit busy and I thought it would be a good idea to see how everyone was finding living there and if there was any issues).  Anyway, she wouldn't accept that I just wanted to talk about things that evening and kept asking me.
For some reason I just flipped - she'd just thrown in my face everything I have done for her, stuck up for her and made myself seem uptight, even little things like putting a fuckin' ironing board down for her 30 times because she can't seem to do it herself - and called her all the things she is, to her face, spoilt, lazy, ungrateful.  She ran off to her room screaming that I made her life hell (because I was ignoring her??? Not true at all) Called me insane, with mental problems, because this upset me a lot, and I started crying (very nasty thing to say, considering that my mum has brain damage).
After a bit of talking through the door (she slammed it in my face), we calmed down, and agreed to talk about it between us, like adults (she's 22 for crying out loud).
Next thing I know, she's on the phone to her mum, bitching and lying about me.  Which made me furious.  I don't like liars and people who run away from their problems.  Anyway, her parents tried asking me to leave (despite there being a tenancy agreement and them acting illegally and irresponsibly) but I just ignored it and tried to just include her more and be more friendly.
But every little thing that I say or disagree with is wrong or anything I want doesn't matter.  She ignores me unless I speak to her first and won't even look at me.
So I am trying to move out.  I'm off to see a flat on Wednesday.  If her parents dare to get at me for not giving notice then I will remind them of the undue amount of stress they placed on a young person that they might lose their place to live, ignoring their own tenancy agreement and responsibilities as landlords, and the absence of any help, understanding or advice at all.  That their daughter doesn't even pay rent.
Fucking little bitch is gonna get the shit thrown in her face before I leave though.  I'm so angry, just thinking about it.
I know its not good to say nasty things to someone but she is so spoilt and socially inept that its just too difficult stopping it from getting to me.  She's messy, lazy and weird.  

Now my life is miserable, I can't study, I'm fat and sad and lonely.  And she has every idea that she's causing that.



Anyway,

It's seriously fucked up my fitness and weight loss plan.  Today is the first time I've been to the gym in about 2 months.  I did a thirty minute slowish run and an hour's walk there and back.  The run was ok, but I was getting stitch from not having water.  It's definitely good to get some exercise in.  But I'm seriously soft and fat now.  I'm just going to have to keep working hard over Christmas.  The gm is open nearly every day and both my boyfriend and mum will make me go.

Stuff with my boyfriend is ok, but I feel like we might break up.  My ex was causing problems earlier this year, basically coming on to me and being inappropriate.  Anyway, we both want to stay friends and be able to meet up and hang out.  I've known him for nearly 4 years now and as I don't have many close friends, it doesn't make sense to just call it quits.  I care for him and worry about him a lot.  He's in the RAF and it's stressful. I think he's lonely and I worry about his happiness.  But, understandably, my boyfriend doesn't want that.  His ex left him for her previous boyfriend and he's putting that on me.  I get what he's saying, but the thing is that I'm being honest with him and he can completely trust me.  Plus my ex has apologised and feel differently about me and what he wants in terms of a relationship.  He's going off to the Middle East next year and I might lose him.  I just can't face not being there and seeing him, knowing that I can, and them him not coming home.  I need my friends, I'm so low.  I just can't do it - it feel so wrong.  What on earth do I do?  My boyfriend is so sad because he can't deal with the idea of my meeting up with my ex, even though its only platonic.  And I hate hurting him.  It's basically m sadness or my boyfriend's sadness.

Uni is going badly - I've got As in everything apart from my Literature essay - a C - FML!!!  And the exam didn't go great either.  My Classics exam is rescheduled for after Christmas, so I can't even relax as I have to study, although I'm kinda glad for the extra time as I wasn't ready at all.  My Language exam is on Thursday, and then I have a Christmas party with my Navy buddies.  I'm making load of food to sell to go to charity - roast sandwiches with stuffing and cranberry sauce, red fruit cheese cake, white chocolate fairy cakes, maybe some rice crispie bars, mini fruity christmas cupcakes, and my friend is making mulled wine.  I'm going to drink and go out and just relax.  But no food on Thursday, so I actually don't get booze fat.



Good news is that I have some snowboarding planned (I've recently got into it and it's immense - great exercise, super cool and so much fun) in the mountains of Scotland with the boyfriend, my mum is visiting and I can't wait to see her, and I got a tax rebate of £184 which I'm going to get driving lessons with.

And I'm going to be a skinny, sexy snowboard chick.  I have a Burns' Night dinner on 20th January.  How good would it be to be 130lbs or 59kg???  I have a dress coming from Ebay.  It's long, one shouldered and silver (actually metallic) so very WOW and statement, so I'm going to get tanned, straighten my hair and be super skinny and statuesque.  I'm going with the boyfriend and I want him to be super proud to have m on his arm.
I don't know what I weigh, but I'm going to weigh myself on Friday, and start from there.  Hopefully it will only be 10lbs to lose, which I could do in a month.  I'm going to hike up the cardio, cut out the carbs again and maybe start on weights once I've had some initial fat loss.

This is a pre New Year determination.  It can only get better next year, and that starts with being skinny!

Love love,

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