I wish I had scales...

Was meant to fast today...and didn't.  I didn't even try and now, reflecting on it, I feel pathetic.  I feel like the reasons I'm doing this are getting fuzzy.  I need to keep caring, for it all to still matter.  Because it does. And it always will.  And if I let it escape me again, I will just spiral UP again and have to start all over.  Which I REFUSE to do.

I'm at home right now, no uni, so fasting is so hard.  I have so much work to do and it's making me starving hungry.  Been trying to fill with water (does that not work for anyone else?)  Maybe I could try a little day fast on Monday, to see how it feels.  Having been giving my body so much food, it's totally going to freak tomorrow.  But I will need to stay busy, to get my Philosophy essay handed in on time, so I have reason to stay in the library.  If I take my laptop, then I won't leave until late, as I won't be bothered to pack the whole thing up with me, just to go out to get food.  Hmmmm...maybe I can do this plan?  Let's see if I can surprise myself.
On some good news, I am now empty of oats, woooo!  A lot less hivey, but still a little itchy.  It really makes me appreciate a cool shower.

Anyway, I have to get a 1st draft written of my English essay.  It's on Frankenstein and Another Country.  I'm writing about reality and dreaming - about how big the gap is.  I guess the fact that the gap between our dreams is so frightening sometimes, that we want to give in.  But you have to remember the Romanticists.  They wanted us to take a look at nature, at its brilliance, and look introspectively.  Find sublime peace with ourselves.  And that peace is our Saviour.  We can mould it and shape it into any sort of resolution we like.  And if that means achieving our dreams, then we can do it.  That's great motivation, I think.

Food for today:

2 cups of black coffee - 7 cals
2 cups of vanilla tea - 0 cals
1 cup of green tea - 0 cals
2.5 litres of tap water - 0 cals
2 vanilla sweeteners - 14 cals
1 energy shot - 5 cals
125g of low-fat natural yogurt - 79 cals
120g of pomegranate seeds - 82 cals
50g of low-fat houmous - 128 cals
1 tbsp of tomato puree - 4 cals
1 bag of stir-fry veggies - 80 cals
1 tin of tuna (in brine) - 136 cals
1 serving of salad leaves - 9 cals
1 medium tomato - 22 cals
15g low-fat salad cream - 32 cals
1/2 cup quartered apple - 32 cals
1/4 cup berries - 12 cals
1 plum - 30 cals
10g of low-fat natural yogurt - 6 cals
1 tbsp of reduced-sugar apricot jam - 34 cals
185g of pineapple chunks - 89 cals

Wow, thats a lot of food.

Total is 769 cals
Burnt so far is 1930 cals

At least I have over 1000 cal deficit, I made sure.

Quote: "reduced to...beauty and elegance - as bones, after a long illness, came forward through the flesh"